I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
