Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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