So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
