Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
