walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
