47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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