hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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