Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We smell like vodka and hangover
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