Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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