If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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