remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
