so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I touched a dick in church today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
