i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
