Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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