i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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