I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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