So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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