just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
