so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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