FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
