eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
