Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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