Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
