just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize