There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
