either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
