There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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