Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
