it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
