He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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