Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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