So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your penis caused this!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
