What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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