He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
