I just made out with a guy for $7.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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