I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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