and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
