fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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