didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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