if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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