I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your cock deserves a montage
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
