we have pet lesbian snakes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
