guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
