Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
