1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
