roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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