At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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