Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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