I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
