The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
