Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
