You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
