i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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