We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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