WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
