I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize