don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
