Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
