$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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