i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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