nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
