I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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