I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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