i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
