She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
