Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
