Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
