have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
