In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she told me i tasted like america
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
