Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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