how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize