You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
