i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
