i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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