the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
