Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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