Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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